Robert died last Monday. I found out late Monday night when Anna texted me, and on Tuesday I received an email from the Pastor at Benson Baptist. I was and still am heartbroken.
Robert moved into a “slum-lord” owned rental house behind the Benson Baptist parsonage when my family and I lived there, and Robert became a part of our lives. Robert struggled with most things in life. He struggled to pay his rent, he struggled to keep his power on, and in the Town of Benson when your power was disconnected you also lose water, sewage and trash pick up. Daily life quickly becomes messy without running water and a working bathroom. Robert struggled to keep his house warm in the cold months, and one year Robert tried to heat his home with his kitchen oven, resulting in a power bill that was hundreds of dollars more than he could ever pay.
Of all the things with which Robert struggled one thing he did not struggle with was making friends. He had a smile that would brighten a room, and the Benson Baptist Church family would all return that smile when he came in for worship at our early service on Sunday mornings. Robert would come in late, pick up a cup of coffee and doughnut, and walk down the center aisle to find his seat. He would always speak to me from across the room, even if I was in the middle of my sermon.
During those years Robert came to our home for Thanksgiving and for Christmas, sharing those meals with my family. He was a dear soul.
Before I came to Powhatan the last thing I tried to do was to get Robert into government housing. I helped him get a copy of his Social Security card, a NC ID, and we went to the office of the Housing Authority. Robert needed to be in subsidized housing. Robert received federal disability benefits, and I never knew exactly what his disability was. When I was helping him fill out his application I asked him, and although it was hard to understand him much of the time, he simply said “I’m just slow.” When we met with the director I quickly knew that his chances were not good. Robert had been convicted of a drug charge years earlier when he was arrested for possession of a small amount of marijuana. This made him ineligible for government housing in Benson.
Although I no longer had contact with Robert since coming to Powhatan, the church family at Benson Baptist continued to embrace and love him. Ken Tart, a professional photographer and deacon in that church, looked after Robert, and was a good friend to him. Ken was the one who planned a birthday party for Robert in my last year at Benson, when about thirty of us took him to a North Carolina BBQ Buffet close to Raleigh. We had a great time, Robert was overjoyed, telling us that it was the first birthday party he ever had. He had a tough life.
Last Wednesday night in choir my heart was still heavy with the news that Robert was trying to walk across I-95 in Benson when he was struck by a car and was killed. The anthem Andrew had chosen (a song I love) for the week is titled All Is Well. The idea of the song (you heard it yesterday morning) is that because of Bethlehem, of Christ’s birth, that all is well in the world. And honestly, as I sang, I knew that all is not well. And I still know that all is not well. It is a nice, sentimental idea, but there is so much that is wrong.
Being a Christian does not mean that every hurt and struggle and disappointment and pain is cleared up immediately. Every week people enter our sanctuary for worship and their heart is breaking. Because all is not well. We clean up well and put on a strong front, but we know that underneath it all sometimes we are struggling. As Christians we believe that we are leaning into a coming kingdom where all shall be made right, when God will finally have God’s way, and this world will be “set to rights.” And that is what brings us back, the hope that we are a part of God working His purpose out in this world. And that one day Jesus’ and our prayer will be answered, that God’s kingdom will come on earth as in heaven.
I have decided to include what was sent to me from the Benson Baptist pastor about Robert along with a couple of photos. One is a professionally done photo of Robert done by his friend and Benson Baptist deacon Ken Tart, another is Robert at Vacation Bible School.
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Robert Rowland, or to us at Benson Baptist just “Robert,” was tragically killed on 11/29/2021 as he attempted to cross Interstate 95 on foot. Many of us will remember Robert’s infectious smile, the way he would walk into the church during the sermon to stop and wave at people on both sides of the center aisle as he entered the early service. Robert was so happy to see everyone. He may have tired of the sermon or maybe just had other things to do because he rarely stayed very long. But we know he enjoyed breakfast at the early service and he had an uncanny way of knowing when we were having a church meal.
Many people at Benson Baptist embraced Robert either at church or when they saw him out in the community. Our pastor at the time, Michael Edwards was a friend to Robert and many times tried to help Robert find better housing. I believe Robert knew that the people at Benson Baptist loved him. One of our members who took up a lot of time with Robert was Ken Tart. Robert would accompany Ken to Raleigh to pick up food for the BAMA Food Pantry or you would see Robert around the studio. But in the end, when attempts to help Robert did not seem to work as we would have wished, all we could do was to just love Robert just as he was. That was probably the most important lesson he taught us.
On April 14, 2013, Robert was baptized in our church by our interim pastor, Charles Royal. Robert was not seeking church membership (because he often attended other churches) but he wanted to be baptized.
As Lawrence shared in the sermon on Sunday about our being a “present”, I like to think that we at Benson Baptist were a “present” of love and acceptance for Robert as we did our best to represent Jesus to him. We all know that Robert brought us much love and joy and he taught us how easily we could love someone so different from many of us. Robert will be missed and his memory cherished. We know that as God’s child he now rests in his presence.
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Below is the text from the testimony Ken Tart gave during Robert’s “Re-Baptism” on April 14, 2013. And attached is a devotion that Chris Underwood shared with Ken, "We are all Robert.”
Robert Rowland’s Baptism at BBC: Shared Testimony about Robert from Ken Tart, April 14, 2013
1 John 3:17 ESV (English Standard Version). “But if anyone has the world's goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God's love abide in him?”
I met or “a lot of us first met” Robert about 3 years ago, when he lived across the street from the church fellowship hall on Hill St. He could sit on his porch and see what was going on over here. He started coming over asking different people for a little help. Intimidating looking at first, we didn’t know what to make of him. Was he a humble person saying “he needed money for food,” or another drug addict looking for a way to get high?
I started out giving Robert a few bucks occasionally to help him out, trusting the Lord that he was sincere and would put it to good use. He later recognized my truck at the Studio one day and figured out where “I live”. So then he would drop in unannounced and ask for me. He didn’t mind sitting and waiting if I was upstairs taking pictures. He didn’t have anything else to do. He would offer to work, but there wasn’t much at the time that I needed him for.
Lots of others in our Church have helped Robert out in times of need. Dr. Larry Williams did some emergency work on his teeth when he needed it! Dr. Millie Johnson took him to the Emergency Room another day when he was in pain. Michael Edwards, Luke and I moved in a new-looking stove donated by Hubert & Mary Katherine Worthington to the house he was staying in then.
Two years ago, for his 35th Birthday, several of our church family took him to McCall’s in Clayton! There was about 30 of us total. It was the first birthday party he had ever had! This February a few of us along with Pastor Charles took him to Western Sizzlin’ in Dunn for his 37th birthday. Robert likes the all-you-can-eat buffets as you can tell.
You can’t understand most of what he says. But, he doesn’t seem to mind repeating it as many times as you need him to. Robert along with Thomas Hall, Myra’s son, are my main go to guys that I can count on to go to the Big Food Bank in Raleigh. We fill my Suburban (and the Church Trailer too sometimes) with food to bring back for the local Food Bank. I couldn’t get it done without them. It takes almost the whole day.
Robert’s timing is usually bad...
Coming in late to Sunday Church, or on Wednesday nights after the food has been put away.
In the Early Service he can’t be still during “Praise & Worship” - even though he has difficulty reading the words on the screen.
He‘s the one standing up during Church Service when everyone else is seated!
Back when Robert had started coming around regularly; I was struggling with how much I should help him. It was May of 2010, because our Church was having a Family Day outside playing volleyball and the beanbag boards were set up. I was tossing the bags with Chris Underwood and a couple of others talking about Robert. Chris, who knew I was unsure about whether I was doing the right thing, asked me if I had read the Daily Devotions this past week in the Men of Integrity devotion book. I said no, and he said go back and read Wednesday or Thursday’s - he wasn’t sure which one it was. I asked him what it was about and he wouldn’t tell me! He said just go back and read it you’ll know which one I’m talking about. So I did, and here it is... (Explain book’s devotion title and read excerpt.)
The Key Bible Verse for that day... Luke 19:10
“For the Son of Man came to seek and save those who are lost.”
Most of you didn’t know Robert’s last name until you saw it in the program today. Don’t feel bad, I had known him for months before I finally asked.
I didn’t know about Robert asking Pastor Charles about being Baptized today until after Church last Sunday when Charles told me - not Robert. Of course, I had some concerns. What would the church think? Would it be OK? He’s not seeking membership, since he attends a couple of other churches also. - But, he asked to be Re-Baptized here.
Our Church has come a long way in recent years. While we continue to support and lift up each other, we’re looking outside our church walls at the needs of others more than any time since I’ve been here.
You see, our children and grandchildren, the twenty and thirty-somethings age groups are not hung up on church doctrine and whether you’re a Baptist or Methodist, they are looking for Churches where they feel a connection with others - making a difference in the lives of the “unsaved and under-privileged” outside our doors.
The growth and future of our Church, and other Churches, will be the ones who recognize, work, and pray for this. Together we can make a difference to others, whether its the other side of the globe, or right in Benson across from our Church on Hill St.
While I could say a lot more... Thank you, Robert for helping “me” “and us” to see and understand that.
When we are making the effort to Bless others, we are the ones usually who receives the bigger Blessing!
God Bless You, and Miss Ava for your testimony of Baptism today.
