It has been a year since I almost got punched in Dunkin Doughnuts. Laura was starting seventh grade, and I was taking her to Middle School open house when we decided to stop at Dunkin for a doughnut and coffee. We went inside, ordered, got our food, and sat down in the front part of the restaurant. As I’m sitting there with my twelve year old daughter there is a group of people, older teenagers and a couple of grown men who had gathered by the doughnut case and were talking loudly enough for everyone to hear. Their language was awful. One of the grown men kept using words that I did not feel appropriate for any twelve year old girl to hear. And then one of the teenage girls starting talking about her pregnancy, how she got that way and how she figured out she was pregnant. Again, a conversation not appropriate for a doughnut shop, not appropriate for a twelve year old to hear.
I didn’t say anything to Laura, but by the way she kept lowering her eyes I knew she heard and was embarrassed by what was being said. I got up from my seat, I walked up to the group, and I told them that I was there with my twelve year old daughter and their language and conversation was not appropriate for that public dining room. The pregnant teenager was apologetic, which I appreciated. The grown man, who I assumed was embarrassed that I had called him out for his vulgar language in front of his friends, became furious. He starting talking about “it is a free country” and that he was “tired of people trying to take away his freedom of speech, one of his first amendment rights.” He stood nose to nose with me. He was angry. One of the other men finally took him by the arm and calmed him down. Everyone else apologized, and yes, they cleaned up their language and conversation, and I sat back down with Laura and with trembling hands finished my blueberry doughnut and coffee.
I’ve thought about this for a year now, and Laura loves to tell the story. I still wonder if I should have just left rather of saying something, or, if I did the right thing by speaking up.
When I remember this encounter my mind always goes to a couple of ideas. First, our culture at large has lost a great deal of decency, respect, and modesty. It can be disheartening. And we, as God’s people, are called to be examples of what a good, holy, respectable life looks like. And sometimes our Christian calling is a call to speak up, especially for the sake of our children. There are sins of commission, things we do, and sins of omission, things we should do and fail to do. Too often it is easy to simply remain silent, to not speak up for what is decent in our community.
Second, I have chuckled this year at that man’s insistence of his “freedom of speech” and how I was attempting to violate “his rights” in Dunkin Doughnuts. He was convinced that he needed to speak his profanity-laced monologue, and that he had a right to loudly say it so that everyone else could hear. And for many in our world, the “right” to do or say something has become the determining factor in their moral decision making process. But for Christians, there are many things that are legal, things that we have the legal right to do, but nevertheless should not be a part of our speech and behavior. Just because it is legal doesn’t mean that it is right. As God’s children, we are not seeking to do those things that are only legally permissible, but to be salt and light as we model how Jesus behaved and treated others.
This morning a friend sent me a Priscilla Shirer quote: “We are not called to do what makes us happy. We are called to do what glorifies God. Christianity isn’t always sunshine and happiness. It’s hard work and dedication to him, not us.” And sometimes we are called to speak up in Dunkin Doughnuts.